Wednesday, July 17, 2013

"Only mean human-beings live, the good hearted ones seem to die"

Only mean human-beings live, the good hearted ones seem to die. I dunno whether you've noticed that or not, but from where I’m standing that seems the case. Questions surface in regards to those good hearted ones, were they happy? Did they get fed up with this life & what comes with it? Or is it act of God? Or probably they enjoyed life & they actually had it all.
It always astonishes me what kind of people I encounter but never be friend them, random people that is. People that are shocking, I actually am trying to find a suitable term that fit that category but all that I keep thinking of is the term “Shock” or “Shocking”. Those people lack education, manners & above all seem to lack self-development (You know that thing called developing yourself to fit certain educated self-made class of individuals who look up to successors & never judge society failures). Yes, that class of successors is what people should look up to but unfortunately, people actually judge that form of class. The good hearted ones that seem to die fit the successor class & unfortunately, society failures fit the mean beings that get to live longer. Yes, I know you’d probably be thinking that human lives are in God’s hands & true that they are. To me they look just like I categorized them to be, I feel like the good-hearted ones die & those mean society failures tend to live longer, probably it’s because they’re deceiving & society got deceived by the amount of how genuine they portray themselves to be.
Questions always surface my mind on why so many good people die so young or too soon & all that we’re left with are deceiving lost souls. I know there are still good people in this world, but I’d rather live in a world where only goodness survives but yet again to feel that goodness you need those mean beings to balance the scale. I honestly enjoy living my life as private as possible; the feeling of independence is priceless & above all honestly to one’s self is rule one that I live by. Many lack that but I don't blame them for that I blame their mentality & the rotten society they live in. Those brains are jailed into the idea of pleasing & impressing others (That's your problem people) you need to break from that bad habit. Life can be mean sometimes because these jailed mental mean creatures seem to live long & the good hearted ones who are true to themselves seem to die. But I’m sure those good hearted ones that don't live long probably enjoyed life & actually had it all.
In this life you need to choose what case are you? Because only mean human-beings live, the good hearted ones seem to die.

Monday, February 18, 2013


How beautiful is it to have something that’s so real & genuine. That feeling of an ownership over something authentic is priceless, you would do anything not to lose it. Just like that little child who won’t ever give up on his favorite toy. Many would sacrifice a lot to keep up with their realness. People nowadays lack genuineness & originality; all they want to do it “Go with the flow” what flow that is? No one knows, its just like whatever rocks your boat. I believe that there are three types of people out there, firstly, are those genuine original people who will always no matter what will stick to what they believe in & grab every inch of their realness away from this artificial society. Second group are those who are in between, deliberating whether or not to give in their realness for the sake of going with the flow, to have people that they can relate to & call them friends. But is this kind of categorizing genuine? Can you call those friends, real friends? Are they the kind of people you really want to surround yourself with? Only time will unfold those answers for you, but is it worth losing your originality over that. The final group of people are those friends of the devil, they have no originality, people who you would even insult the word insult if you called them fake.

This group will always try to “make it” in society, always doing whatever comes along to seek attention by imitating the “it” people around them, people they look up to, but little that they know that the “it” people are also pretending to be someone else. Living the life of someone else’s other than themselves, how easy is it to get a life nowadays, you’d look around & something would catch your eyes & before you know it, you’d be living someone else’s life. A life that isn’t yours, a life that lacks originality, realness & authenticity. A group of people that will always look for something new, I’m not saying that anything new isn’t good, but I’m talking about those people who will look at what is considered to be cool nowadays: what kind of music their “it” people are listening to & should listen to. What kind of clothes their “it” people are wearing that doesn't even make sense and feel obliged to wear. Where are the new places that their “it” people are hanging at & should hang there without any purpose, just for the reason that everyone goes there, even if you don't like the coffee or the food but that's the place that everyone goes to, so they feel obliged to be seen there.

Those who lack originality will always get into someone else’s business, they'll always interfere in someone’s life, make it all about them even if it’s not your business. This kind of people are all around Twitter, there are many as living proof that I’ve dealt with on day to day bases. But what they seek is attention; they’d try to get attention from people they feel threatened by & insecured, people who they secretly admire but won’t ever be like, people who make their insecurities get inflamed. But ignoring them will put them back to where they belong, a place that a genuine original person will never lower themselves to. Yes, that's where they belong, because they lack realness in life & above all they lack a life.

Going back to the first group, a group that I admire, a group that I’d give anything to be surrounded by. An original authentic kind of people that’ll make your everyday a better day. People who are effortly real, people who you’d sit with & even without any conversation you’d come out feeling good. People who have their own characteristics, personality & flaws, they’d never try to be something they’re not or live someone else’s life, they have their own sense of fashion, style & look. Never feel obliged to follow someone else’s trend, they make their own & own it nevertheless. Life is more original there, simple & real. That's what life should be like. Those people sacrifice a lot to stay original mentally, psychologically & socially. They stand out which makes them vulnerable to those who seek originality but nevertheless fail to break.

A simple easy genuine life is what everyone should look for, not a life that is full of artificial people who follow whatever is out there & fake it to make it. Try & be as original as you can, authentic & stick to what you believe in. Don't imitate people, be original & people will imitate you. How amazing is the feeling of people trying to be you, they shouldn't but that’s what originality is, always aiming to better yourself, have your own thing going on & stick to what you are, not what people are. And remember, to grab every inch of your realness away from this artificial society.

Saturday, March 17, 2012

  You have mixed emotions, fulfillment & a sense of internal comfort. You never know what tomorrow holds up for you. It's always tricky as for what's hidden under its sleeves. We live in the 21st century, times change from what it used to be and sure do people transfigure. To the worse? Or the better? Well, I can't personally answer that but, most probably could say people are not like what they used to be. Let me make this subject clear for you, as you might think my opening lines are all over the place. What I'm trying to say here is that you don’t really know what tomorrow has for you. You might be single today & be newly committed to someone the next day. You might be heart broken today & find a new life fulfilling activity the next day. You might be poor tonight & rich the next day, where it shouldn’t always be the richness in materialism but richness in self worth or education or any other aspect in life.

Richness of the mind is essential & so is self worth, they work in parallel. Yet, you could have one of each & be just superior. Sometimes I lay in bed & my brain starts going into all sorts of zones. I think about why we end-up that way, we used to be best friends. Why can't I find that one person that I could talk to always & never feel judged? Where am I going to be in ten years of time? Will I still be single? Will we still be together? Etc.

You never know what tomorrow holds for you. Your life might take a 180 degree change in a matter of seconds sometimes. You just never know, & that’s the exciting part about life, it has that mystery attached to it. I have this overwhelmed feeling right now, just as I'm writing you this piece. A beautiful state of mind, where you feel something indescribable. Most of you probably went into these states of mind & zones where you just think & think & think whether it's in regards to something important & sometimes for the sake of thinking. I hope I'm making sense here. But to be honest I've never felt this way since the 10th of the 10th 2010. That beautiful feeling of waking up knowing you have someone to wake up for & someone at the end of the day. I sure missed that feeling it's been way too long. I will try my very best to hold on to that feeling & make everything work just the way we want it to work. We are born as "lone" creatures into this vast world. The word "lone" means single or one entity. We sure can't live it alone & nor can we try to pretend that it's fine to be lone. God plays in a mysterious way, you'd always be surprised & you'll never know what hit you until it hits you. & I shall feel sorry for those who had the opportunity for everything beyond beautiful & simply kicked it away. You'll always be alone & miserable because when life gives you someone precious you don’t simply play them for a fool. You should try & think about this, we are not a lone creatures why are you? Why should you choose to be alone? Yes I know that in the world today most are not serious & do not really know what they're looking for. What a mess, but oh well you can't just join that mess, you should rise with your individuality & know yourself. Knowing what you are as a person & what you're looking for by its self puts you in a beautiful state of mind.

Richness of the mind is essential & so is self worth, so try to achieve that as step one. & when your ready life will unfold its sleeves & give you that special someone you've always waited for. You can then invest all your emotions into that person who gives you butterflies every time they cross your mind. We need each other to survive in this world. We can't live alone even though we were born that way. We are all different but there is someone out there that makes each of us feels complete with one another. In other words,  we need that special him/her that would make you feel what I am feeling right now, that beautiful state of mind of feeling complete & fulfilled. I am blessed.

Are you blessed?


Wednesday, January 18, 2012

            Should we be worried? Are we imitating others? Why does it feel so good? Many questions pop up when we are talking about a trend. Trend is part of fashion, fashion is part of style, they all connect, they all deliver, & the results are breath taking. Should we be worried? Our society has shaped its own trend to some degree, there are those who lead/dare & those who follow/wear just for the sake of following. Should we choose to lead or follow is a matter of personal choice. There is a fine line between chic & trashy, its all based on one’s interpretation in regards to what you would relate to & possibly wear. This topic has been on my mind for quiet sometime, & finally got an inspiration to start writing. In my personal view wearing Chic clothes doesn’t always make you Chic, even if the word “Chic” is applied to your life style. Being “Chic” means applying the term throughout your life style not just in your clothes. Being “Chic” is having it all, the furniture, the clothes, the method of transportation, the choice of words you use with your fellow friends, the type of environment you surround yourself with, & the certain dinning standard. Those are some of many fields you could implement your “Chicness” in. The certain type lifestyle you choose to live portrays your personality on many levels. I’m talking about individuals who live that certain lifestyle for themselves, to satisfy their own being other than a show off. Individuals who show off in my opinion suffer from some sort of lack of personality; they seek validation from others to feel fulfilled in their lives.

Are we imitating others? The group that implements their own unique selective lifestyle doesn’t imitate others, they choose it, own it & make it a trend, your own personal unique trend. The choice whether or not people around would follow you is a matter of their own choice, you’re leading your own trend here, and you’re not a follower. You could wear the simplest clothes but that only express’s the type of person you are, concluding that you’re a person who lean’s toward simplicity where as for instance, a loud person would wear bold strong colors expressing his loud personality & so on. What I’m trying to say here is that your personality plays a vital role in shaping the trend of lifestyle or even clothes you choose to wear. The fine line between imitating & leading is drawn here, it’s a matter of your choice whether to follow or lead. A “Chic” person is a person who leads.

Why does it feel so good? It feels good on many levels because you’re leading your own trend here, your own lifestyle & individuality.  From choosing that certain unique piece of furniture, you’ve already chose over something that everyone already owns to that certain group of classy friends you choose to surround yourself with automatically makes you fulfilled on those fields. Its not mainly about materialism. You’re not like the usual who follow others in the way they act, dress, & carry on a dialog. Chic meaning "stylish" or "smart” is an element of fashion implementing sense of uniqueness & a certain type of lifestyle. Being unique in your own style, having educated open minded group of friends & being able to carry on an adult conversation automatically makes you attractive. That’s in regards to my own theory & many would agree with what I’m implying here. I personally salute those who stepped up their game & dared the norm.

New comers? we’ve all witnessed those new comers, those new local designers uprising to a field once was dominated by a certain group of designers. They reached a new vast platform of new comers. Those young local designers offer diversity & most get their inspirations from designers and designs that have already been out for quiet sometime. I totally support those new comers & the effort, but whether they could call themselves a reliable brand, that’s still not clear. Individuality & uniqueness takes anything to a whole new level & that’s what everyone should embrace especially new comers. Embrace your “Chic’ness” allow it to shape the way you dress, dine, choose furniture, hold a mature conversation & choose the type of people you surround yourself with. Make it a trend, live it, breath it, wear it.

“Fashion is not something that exists in dresses only. Fashion is in the sky, in the street, fashion has to do with ideas, the way we live, what is happening.” Coco Chanel


Wednesday, December 28, 2011

We say what we do not do

Have you ever sat by yourselves & thought about it. Thought about the people who believe in one thing then they completely act against it. Have you thought about whether or not those people are true to their self being? They claim loyalty yet they sneak behind your back & spread their poisonous lies. Simply those people who aren’t true to their well being. That’s what we call Hypocrisy. Society is full of them, well in particular the society in Dubai (UAE). If you’re not true to yourself & that’s yourself what else would you even claim to be true about? Society fails majorly when it already has that fake materialistic form of people inhabiting it. Adding hypocrisy to the mix flags it as an epic society fail around here.

People would strongly argue that “Alcohol” is against our teachings & religion right? But that same group of people would end up wasted trash on the weekend at some club. People would also argue that sex before marriage is a sin & it’s forbidden yet they end up having it anyways by the end of the day. People who claim X would always go for Y. That’s the dirty little secret that Arabs value the most, true form of hypocrisy that is. They cherish it, feed it, & pass it along to their off spring. People seek medical attention for being bipolar, isn’t hypocrisy being bipolar to some degree. Aren’t those strongly religious individuals too attached to their beliefs? So why end up in someone else’s bed other than your wife’s. I witnessed many cases, those claims in this post are claims of what my eyes witnessed & it’s the full integrity. Many others claim that they are against homosexual relationships yet by the end of the day they’re maintained in one. If you even can’t be truthful about your identity it’s the only one thing that classifies you as a human being then, what are you? Furthermore, many individual I call confused creatures in Dubai fail to open up about who they really are, fearing the judgment of this society. People still fail to comprehend the idea that you are an individual & you only live once, until when are you going to hide under deceptive masks, you have limited number of years on this earth. How you choose to live is all up to you, but here rests the question are you going to live a truthful life or a phony life? Life is simple but people complicate it way too much.

I see many hypocrites on Twitter, specially those who fill their Twitter timeline with “Sub7an allah etc” yet send me private messages stating “Your hot & wish I could taste this & do that” seriously what the hell is wrong with this society? I don’t think it could get more hypocrite than this. Fearing judgments won’t land you no where, being true to yourself will. I personally could care less to what people would think of me, as long as I’m honest to myself & know what I’m, that’s all that matters. That’s all that should matters to you too. I hope this post enlightens those who lack honesty & empowers those with an abundant honesty. Nothing’s better than openness to one’s self. I don’t claim perfectness, therefore, perfect doesn’t exist.

"I think people are born bisexual and then make subconscious choices based on the pressures of society. I have no question in my mind about being bisexual. But I'm also a hypocrite: I would never date a girl who was bisexual, because that means they also sleep with men, and men are so dirty that I'd never want to sleep with a girl who had slept with a man" Megan Fox.

Check out Arabs Can't Fail Hypocrisy (A similar blog by @Emaratist)

Thursday, December 15, 2011

You know what really sucks about falling for a guy you know you’re not right for? You fall anyway because you think he might turn out to be different. – Mary (from Another Cinderella Story)

You know that feeling you get when you know that you can make someone happy out there. That feeling that builds up with time & experience throughout the years. The feeling that you wish you could have someone honest & serious, someone who you could invest your all into, and someone who you could share those precious limited years god gifted you with. Those limited precious years are there for a reason, everyone has their own interpretation on what you should be investing those years on. Some would argue that it should be invested on faith & religion, where as others believe that it should be invested in Love. Love has many forms; you may be in love with your family or with one individual or even in love with your job & success. Love is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. In philosophical context, love is a virtue representing all of human kindness, compassion, and affection; and "the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another". You offer such big amount of understanding to life of love & you’re constantly thriving to find that special person but still fail. That’s not failure from your side, that’s a failure of society because it grew up recently on the idea that commitment is unwanted & that it’s such a waste of time & effort. I’ve realized this today that starting something with anyone is hard because you have no idea how serious people are.

I am no love guru; I shouldn’t be telling you what you should do & what not to. I’ve printed here what I truly believe in. I can relate to everyone that holds such love & commitment within themselves but with no one to share that love with; a person who holds so much love but yet is so damn scared to put the time & effort into someone else who’s not serious. I feel sorry for those people. It’s not an easy task to spot people who aren’t serious; trust me everyone wants to have a taste of a free meal. Those people would try what you offer & go along with it until they get bored. You’re the victim here. You’ve fallen hard for the wrong person & that in future will be negatively reflected on people you’ll be interested in. I despise those kinds of people who take someone’s love for granted & for a free ride. That’s the true form of selfishness & the failure of doing good for another. I personally don’t take people for granted when it comes to love, if I’m not serious then I’ll tell you “let’s not make this serious”. However, I would take someone’s love for granted if I want all their love & nothing but love. Sometimes I wonder why we meet the people we’re meant to be with  later  in life, I really am jealous from those who met their soul mates & the love of their life in early teenage years & ended up forever together. How amazing is that. How relaxing & emotionally fulfilling to focus all your love, time & effort on one person. That person means the world to you; you share every moment of sorrow & happiness together. You know by the end of the day that your going home to that one person who gives you butterflies every time you kiss/you’re going home to the love of your life & that by the end of the day you’re not alone & that there is someone waiting for you at home. That last person your eyes would fall asleep to. That doesn’t happen to everyone. I had a taste of that for almost 2 years & I’m glad that I’ve shared my limited human years on earth with that person. That’s why I believe that people who encounter such happiness & commitment get battled when it comes to starting a new relationship. Confusion plays a major role in the equation because you don’t even know who to trust anymore after falling for the wrong people. By the end of the day your all alone in this world, you hold such a big heart with a huge amount of love & commitment but yet there is no one to share that love with, there wont be that last person your eyes would fall asleep to.


Monday, December 12, 2011

Soceity & Materialism in Dubai

Wondering so much about society, what it used to be & what it turned out to be nowadays. Many would always argue that society used to have a sense of quality & truth. A sense of being genuine & pure, those qualities still exist nowadays to people who still cherish values & for those who never fell for the life of materialism. This society that we live in, yes I’m talking about the society of Dubai lives in a true form of materialism. It reflects on individuals specially the new young generation. Materialism shapes them to grow to be shallow, artificial, & materialistic. This isn’t how our ancestors were, those are not the values & the teachings we grew up with & believed in so strongly. We shouldn’t forget who we are as individuals & fall for materialistic things because items never shape/express you as a person; it only fills in the gap of fulfillment in such retail therapy.

I lived to see those days, the days where most people in Dubai would be so shallow where friendship/relationship will be based on how much money you have. Lets also not forget the looks, that plays a major role in the popular scene, the society here shaped a certain look for being sexy, you should be muscular, have facial hair, wear a polo shirt (that’s apparently in their sureness makes you handsome) drive a G55 (because owning one makes you automatically attractive & chic) etc. It’s the “Typical local” not so special. Brains people its all about brains, values & beliefs. That’s what makes you stand out, that’s what makes you unique. Individuality that is, you shouldn’t look a certain way to have friends, you shouldn’t be in a certain scene or even drive a certain car to be someone better than others.

2 months ago I went to Lebanon for holidays didn’t even want to go but I was pressured by friends. Its not my thing/scene, the amount of the typical local look there is unbelievable. Every single person from Dubai was wearing an Hermes belt, probably every single person I’ve saw wears one, they have that materialistic mentality, that stupid idea that this belt makes me someone better than others. Its all about “Hey look at me I’m better than you” By the end of the day your living for who you are not what you wear. Others believe that it’s a must do circumstance to travel to London, it’s obligatory to be there to feel fulfilled. They run around that place called Harrods because to them that place portrays them as “Royal” & classy. It’s paradise for those who own fancy cars & want to show off; it’s all about who pays the most & who’s better than the other. That’s a true form of emptiness/shallowness. There is more to life than this.

It’s such a disappointment for the society of Dubai to have such shallowness & emptiness in regards to materialism. This society is educated & I’m proud to be apart of this mixture but uniqueness & individuality must come first. That stereotypical Idea of a how they should look should die-out. We are privileged in such country which provided us with such privileges. We should be thankful for that. What happened to seeking uniqueness? What happened to people who compete for successfulness? What happened to being better than others in regards to values & moral? There is nothing wrong in owning a luxury item, I have nothing against it. In a matter of fact there is nothing better than spoiling yourself & having retail therapy. What I’m arguing against here is the sense of Identity & how society in Dubai turned out to be in regards to people who shape themselves based on what they wear & how they should wear in a stunt of imitating others. Individualism is rather like innocence: There must be something unconscious about it.

“Honesty is the rarest wealth anyone can possess, and yet all the honesty in the world ain't lawful tender for a loaf of bread” Josh Billings.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Life goes on, unexpected things happen

I reached a destination & el7mdella it's where I want to be. God works in mysterious ways & I was involved in such mystery. It's such a beautiful feeling to know that everything you once worried about & haunted you on those sleepless nights took a turn to the better. I always wondered what it would feel like if this happened. Let me tell you one thing, it feels damn good. There is no harm to spice your life with some change, you always learn from those changes whether it's for good or bad. Those changes in life offer a new scope to opportunities ahead. Those opportunities open new doors to you, you meet new people, your social life changes, & you mature to a degree. Beside all that I've been good thanks for asking lol.

Let's spice this topic a little bit & talk about my dating life. I'll be brief. Well I'm single due to the reason that dating at the moment feels unfulfilling. I don't even know the reason, I've dated couple & thank god I choose well, both of which are amazing, they have great perspective to life, great personality & above all we somehow share the same interests. I clicked well with each one of them, we went for a movie, and did the whole romance on romance stuff. We did what every couple does, But not for long that I've decided to end the relationship. Nothing negative happened nor that would I allow anything to happen within the reach of my hands. Give the person you love the freedom & trust & see how things would last unless that person isn't serious to begin with that things would come down tumbling. Anyways back to the point why I've decided to end it, it's mainly because I felt emotionally drained, felt like I couldn't make that person happy due to many factors etc. I've always been honest if this aint working then I would say this aint working. It's simple as that. Everyone deserves complete honesty specially when it comes to the person you love, that person deserves your full honesty. There is no harm in taking a break, improving yourself, exploring new stuff, & work on one's self.

At the moment I'm interested in this new person, who's completely different than what I usually go for. I'm trying to do things differently this time & take everything slow. For now I just want to figure out that person, see what we have in common & whether or not we click. I have strong feelings for that person, yet I want to be single for a while. Because I've found out that everyone wants love, everyone talks about love & how amazing love is but few are serious about it. They all want to fall in love but as soon as it happens they either break your heart or cheat on you & take the shortest exit. People nowadays are too busy with materialistic stuff. Life of materialism is very important to the society in Dubai. You find love based on what car you drive & how much money you have. That's a whole different topic; I'll dedicate a whole detailed blog post on Love & Materialism in Dubai.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier.  The way it actually works is the reverse.  You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want - Margaret Young


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

“The best way to become acquainted with a subject is to write about it”

Late night thoughts: Here lying in bed, with nothing but candles on. My daily ritual where I gather my final thoughts/perspective in regards to everything that happened throughout the day. Relating those thoughts to dealings from an earlier day, week, or even a year. This process may sound draining, but in a matter fact it isn’t at all. I love thinking about everything that is good or even bad, its kind of healthy to see what you could’ve done differently in one way or another.

This previous couple of days since my last post took a huge turn, as it’s always been said "sometimes you have to hit rock bottom before you can rise up ". That quote has always proved its self to be true, well specially related in regards to my personal life dealings. As soon as I hit rock bottom & complain, god works his magic & turn everything around, and before I know it I’m back clinging my way to the top. All I can say is that I’m happy in regards to where I stand in life today & I thank god for his blessings. I know I’m not way too religious, but I still have faith & thats all that matters. Moving on, I always try to have a hidden Idea within every post, nothing too complicated such as “The Da Vinci Code” but just simple liberating idea of an ordinary individual. An individual who tries to just put his thoughts out there, to squeeze out some of what’s been going on. You know release the tension kinda thing.

People judge & judge & judge. The worst part is that they hate it when someone goes on passing judgments on them. It’s the purest form of hypocrisy. We all live in a hypocrite society. I mean even parents are hypocrites, I’ll dig in on that topic in details soon. But I just wanted to point out that the amount of hypocrisy out there is unbearable. I’ll dedicate a full detailed Blog post in regards to hypocrisy & society. I really can’t wait to share my thoughts with you guys.

Besides all that, I’ll keep on lying in this bed & writing thoughts.



Monday, October 24, 2011

Maybe I give off the impression that I'm never happy ? or vise verse. Am I really happy ?

At the moment I've got no answers for those questions, yet at the same time I do. Get it? I'm sure you don't. That's how I'm feeling right now, scattered thoughts all over the place. I read an article yesterday that scientifically proves that too much free time may lead to high levels for stress. Maybe that's what I'm going through at the moment, or maybe yet its all in my head. It's not just free time that leads to stress, there are many factors that contribute into the process of making you stressful. As matter a fact I know all those factors & a person would think that if you know whats bothering you, you'd have the ability to change it. But its not a faulty light in a dark room where you change the bulb & the light is back on. Its not simple as that. This better not mess me up psychologically, & that it is only a phase. I thought phase doesn't last for more than a year. If it does then its called "There's something wrong with me'.

Are you happy? Me: Yes. Then I go ahead & think to myself, Am I really happy? the answer is no. I'm not happy & I'm not feeling good. I don't know if its boredom or a phase, feeling lonely or stressed. Thousands of thoughts running through my head right now. I know it isn't healthy to keep all that in my head. I lost 8 kilos in an short period of time with a total of 51 kilos left of me, just by thinking about silly & other serious matters. but what can a person do if your used to think about everything "where are we going" "where am I going to get that from" "I know I'd ask & get all those bad replies" "are those friends or are they bored & I was the only available option" "What would people say" even though I don't really care but you have too when your living in a society full of judgements etc. Double guessing every person in your life can put stressful strain on one's life "why do my parents act this why" "why would they say those hurtful words" "why couldn't this be easier" & why & why & why. Many questions & barely there are answers. If god is ignoring you what makes you think that a human would listen & help you. All that & shouldn't I be stressful? I have every right to be stressed if all that is going through my head over a year now. I promised myself to express full honestly in this blog & I'm sticking to my word. I feel that I can't do anything right now to change what I'm feeling. I feel not productive & unreliable. I hate not feeling that I'm in control of mostly every aspect of my life, I used to support myself & feel that I'm no Bordon on someone's life but now the complete opposite. I used to feel that I could achieve everything & do anything, but this doesn't mean that I don't feel it anymore. Just being able to control yourself has so much benefits to one's life, take that away & its like taking someone's freedom/life away. Its an unpleasant feeling hope no one goes through this. I think everyone can relate to this piece in on way or another. Its a complex process to squeeze your brain & try to put such big thoughts into words. I also know that this may sound as an obscure piece of writing but I wanted to put it out there. It may help & it might not, but if it does no good it does no harm. All this is just a rough 40% of what is going on just to make that clear.

Regardless of all that I've got some exciting positive aspects that happened to me recently, which kinda hold the last threads of the level of sanity left in me. I try & focus of that 8% of positive aspects but it holds nothing against the other 92% downfall issues. As we all say life goes on, we are waiting for salvation. & if your thinking about an advice, just keep it to yourself because at the end of the day your advice are words & not actions that might be more helpful. And now after this brief insight-fulness into how I've been feeling. Maybe I give off the impression that I'm never happy ? or vise verse. Am I really happy ? I guess the answer is clear, answer for yourself.


Sunday, July 24, 2011

Guess who's in New York City 

Yup folks I made it safe & sound to New York City AKA "The Big Apple" yesterday, one of the busiest cities in the world. The heat here is unbelievable reaching 100 degrees F. yesterday & they say Dubai is hot. The city is huge & we've been to the famous 5th Avenue <3 Jealous ? Yes you should be. I mean the stores on that street are unbelievably huge, the LV store has a title of a "Master" (The same title goes to one located in Dubai Mall) which means they sell every single item ever made by LV all in one store. Most of the world's luxury boutiques are located on Fifth Avenue, which include Chanel, Tiffany & Co., Gucci, Prada, Bottega Veneta, Giorgio Armani, Fendi, Versace, Harry Winston, Cartier, Omega and much more.... 

And may I add the guys here are all handsome & gorgeous, its like walking on a runway full of hot models. They're all perfect ... I believe a place that classy should have classy looking people. The 5th ave was busy & crowded too crowded to even enjoy the place, but hey everyone wants to have a piece of that place. Walked around a bit close to Central Park towards Upper east side & let me tell you the people are getting more richer, more Chanel bags in sight & less homeless people holding card boards. Had dinner at a high end classy Italian restaurant called Bottega on 5th Avenue, really delicious food, you might wanna try their food if your around. 

Cant wait to get to Times Square/Broadway. That place looks busy as & full of interesting stores. The other day I saw advertisements for The Lion King theatrical play & I must say it looked interesting gotta check that out. Ive got many plans & a huge must do list but I'm dealing with someone's crap while I'm here which forces me to delay some plans ugh. Anyways we are going shopping tomorrow & I might probably get a haircut too. I haven't been yet to the Subway, it looks kinda scary a scene from the "Underworld movie" I've been cabbing it up everywhere, its more safer. My day ended with dinner at the famous Chipotle, had a big fat Burrito, gotta love some Mexican food. That's it for now


Friday, July 22, 2011

Its Only Forever, Not Long At All 

 One of the hottest tattoos I've ever seen, breath taking. Id so get this if I'm able to, but oh well we live in a very conservative society back home "Close minded" Society where hypocrisy play's a major role, but on the same hand its a one of a kind society, very dear to my heart ♥

A tattoo is a form of art done to remind an individual of a certain chapter/moment in life. It will always be there, a reminder of a dear someone/lover/or even a family member (alive or dead). I know everyone knows that but to just reinforce the term. I sure been wanting a tattoo for almost a year now actually "Craving" a tattoo. Ive had an Idea of the tattoo that I'd love to get, also picked the exact location (Under the hip bone). Recently I started obsessing with ankle, wrist, & neck tattoos. There is a person who's very dear to my heart, who has an ankle & a wrist tattoo, a person I'll never forget. A person whom I shared 2 years of my life with "that's totally off topic moving on" ... That person had amazing wings on both ankles, they looked cute ♥

You only live once, its worth the try I guess & its such a turn on, specially ones down there *Wink* hahaha I mean seriously this is a form of art & who doesn't love some art being inked on their skin. Im totally against people who get tattoos of lacoste, LV, Pepsi sign, Monkeys, or even Popeyes. Thats not art, thats being silly & a dumbtard ! Moving on, I will definitely get a tattoo one day & I believe if you think about getting a tattoo for a whole year then more likely its a must get. If the choice is mine Id get a tattoo & flaunt it in the faces of people in Dubai "ooooh  hatha 7aram your going to hell" bhahaha suckers !! No but seriously if the choice is mine & its totally fine society wise, Id be getting one on both wrists saying "Its Only Forever, Not Long At All " the exact same tattoo above. id also get a neck tattoo just like Kevin Warhol (Google him).

Daaayum I really love the idea of a neck tattoo such a turn on, specially when its a unique tattoo designed & made by the same person getting the tat ... oh boy now I'm all excited & ready to get inked ☺I really don't give a fuck what people back home would think. Some even went like "Oh I wont talk to you ever & we cant be friends if you get a tattoo". Hmmm be my guest turn around & walk away cause its my body, I respect your advice but at the end of the day its my body & I can do whatever I please.

If I ever get a tattoo & hopefully I'll be getting one soon, it will mark/represent a very crucial term in life. I'm an exhibitionist & I love taking things to the next level & getting a tattoo is the next level that I'm aiming to achieve. I believe that there are many of people around who hold back, in a hope that one day they'll be able break free & achieve their goals & I'm talking here about forbidden goals enforced by conservative societies. Many wait & wait for the right moment, but that moment never comes & before they know, they're all grown up & old to be able to achieve anything. I know that I'm still 24 y/o but I feel that Ive missed so much in life, & I know for a fact that I did. I'm a person who used to hold back on things & say "its too early to do this" "I'm too young, one day I will" "What would people say" well what if that day never comes ? what would you do then ? A part of growing up is regretting & learning from your mistakes. & I'm not saying that a tattoo is a mistake, not at all in regards to me. Holding back on so many things in the past made me realize that I should not hold back anymore "Life is too short". I don't want to look back on my life one day & regret not getting that certain something.

Enough serious talk for tonight, besides that my day was exciting, booked a hotel close to Times Square/Central Park/ & 5th Avenue. Really excited for tomorrow's trip to NYC, 1 week is all I need. 


Thursday, July 21, 2011

Marlon Teixeira 

Ive been frustrated all day today, I know the picture have nothing to do with what Im going to be talking about on this blog post. I feel lonely/frustrated/out of place/not comfortable in my own skin & all that for no reason. 

Well part of that has to do with the stuff that Im dealing with today. I always stress out if Im planning something a head but thats just me, its just a part of knowing & making sure that things will turn out the way I want them too. I really hope things will eventually work my  way. People on Twitter well most of them are annoying lately. They're just too fake & artificial. I really hate when the person I know is pretending to be someone on Twitter, but in real life is a complete different individual 'personality wise'. Why do you have to pretend ? I mean why cant you be the person your tweets are portraying you to be ? are you too scared of being yourself in real life so you create your ideal personality on Twitter ? But at the end of the day its just Twitter. 

I personally would/can tweet whatever I want because I can. They DM me dirty shit & talk dirty all the time but on their timeline they are all "ohhh we are perfect & we're pretending to be someone but behind back doors we are SLUTS" so please spare me your crap. Your not better than me ! at least Im open & honest about my tweets. This pisses me off because I spend most of my time on Twitter & id have to deal with this on a bad day which makes things worse than they already are. 

This is not my day, but I know that if I write what I feel down it might make me feel better. I'm fine, sorry if this sounds like a mid life crises but its not, the only thing is that I'm having a bad day, full of clowns & fake people because everyone seems too selfish nowadays & that's a shame, but oh well Im living life right now and this what I'mma do ... I really can't complain.

But anyways Marlon Teixeira's picture makes things better, as long as I have pictures of hot boys around I will always feel better Bhahahaha. 


Wednesday, July 20, 2011

The Beautiful Francisco Lachowski, I mean how much more beautiful can he be !

So today was an amazing day, big decisions have been made. Now I can move on with my life with a clear piece of mind YaY releifed ...

I'm really excited for my NYC trip, but I'm also still deciding whether its worth it to visit California. I mean come on we are talking about Los Angeles here <3 But the only thing I'm worried about is the distance, it would take me 7 hours "Give or take an hour or so" to reach California. I'm currently in Baltimore a 20 minute drive from Washington DC.

Ive got a huge 'Must Do' list ready for New York City. I really hope that I'd be able to see M though. With all my plans changing rapidly everyday its hard to even know where ill be in the next 2 days. I'm getting inked at one of the best tattoo parlors in NYC ahhhhh really excited.

I know I'm mumbling alot here but hey, its my blog & I can mumble for as much as I want bhahah jks
If I made a spelling mistake here its all because of my hubby Francisco, I cant take my eyes off him


Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Honestly! I'm missing you to death, And I Hope This Note Is Reaching You Somehow

Well this is my first blog post. All that I feel right now is missing my ex so much. I mean is it weird? I don't think it is though ...

I felt like writing today so that's the reason of me being on here. I hope this ain't boring for yous but I really need something to occupy myself with. I think its healthy to write down whats going on in your head sometimes. 

I'm a very random/moody person. So my posts will objectify that .... ☺